You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
