I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My bed smells like the plague
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
