I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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