There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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