just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
