You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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