shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
