true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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