ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
