tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
