Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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