On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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