so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
