And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
