my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Randomize