Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
