I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
