You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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