I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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