I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
