I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
