You work out of a Hotel?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
