I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
