I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
