i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
