he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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