there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
