He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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