Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize