This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
