at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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