The best revenge is premature balding
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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