You can't motorboat a personality
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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