i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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