When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
