not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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