i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she smelled like a LAN party
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i drank out of a bidet.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
