why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize