Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
