Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
