we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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