Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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