Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
