just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
