Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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