mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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