I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
