I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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