I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
