it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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