I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
