I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
