I'm jealous of your bromance
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
