If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
