wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
