Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
