i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize