you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
