i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he puts the penis in happiness.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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