you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
