Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you will always have a special place in my vag
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you inspire me to be a worse person
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
