the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
