She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's shark week go big or go home
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
