Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
