When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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