Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
