my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
