I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
