Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She's just so happy...and so naked.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my liver is dry heaving
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
