Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
false alarm, still single
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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