if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize