apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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