did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
