Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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