he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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