nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
