I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
zippers are such a cool invention
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
