Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
