I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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