your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
