Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
