I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
