YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
