I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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