Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
did you just send me my own nude
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
