When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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