didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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