i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
