This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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