She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
