You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize