I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Rumble strips road head = magical
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
