If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
