it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
