we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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