when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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