i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize