you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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