Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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