He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
