Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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