Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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