thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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