So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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