ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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