ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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