I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
