guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
