How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
