did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
