you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it's like iHOP with fire
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize