from now on my penis is your penis
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
