Don't make out with my wife yet
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
