and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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