Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
