I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just want nice things and good sex
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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