3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
