New low: just hacked my moms facebook
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
