You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
